


everything I wanted

by divenire



Series: Ba Sing Se Lights [3]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff, Inspired by a Billie Eilish song, POV Zuko (Avatar)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-27 17:28:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30126324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/divenire/pseuds/divenire
Summary: After the Jazz Music Night at The Jasmine Dragon, Katara confides to Zuko what is troubling her.
Relationships: Katara/Zuko (Avatar)
Series: Ba Sing Se Lights [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2161743
Comments: 33
Kudos: 72





	everything I wanted

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there!  
> By now, breaking the Text Fic Rule has become a pleasant habit. I hope you enjoy it!

_I had a dream  
I got everything I wanted  
But when I wake up, I see  
You with [me](https://open.spotify.com/track/4pDSWG7OQjjzp2rzTwvvBz?si=JBfrsUOJQEmk1UnWbOwL-w)_

* * *

When the door finally closed behind the last customer, Zuko breathed a sigh of relief, cursing the moment he had told his uncle that no, it was okay to close the shop, and no, there was no need for him to stay there too, and yes, he was perfectly capable of taking care of the last clients by himself.

It was a pity that the last three guys had decided to stay until that absurd hour, continuing to order tea and forcing him to continuously stay around them, while Katara sat alone on a small table in the background.

It wasn't clear to him why Aang and Toph had left while she had remained there, but the idea that she had stayed to spend time alone with him made his heart quicken like a stupid teenager - by now he should have resigned himself to the effect that the girl had on him.

He cast a glance around the room and his heart did a little dip when his eyes landed on her. _Agni_ , she was so pretty.

Katara was staring at her cell phone with her head resting on one hand and her hair falling over her eyes. 

Zuko watched her from a distance, barred in her melancholy, and he wondered when he had gotten to know her so well that he understood even her silences.

He put down the last cups, took off his apron, loosened his tied-up hair that was giving him a tremendous headache, and finally walked over to her table.

"Can I get you anything, miss?"

"Um?"

Katara jumped and looked around, slightly bewildered, as if it were only at that moment that she had noticed the empty shop and the silence that had replaced the chatter and music.

"Were you asleep?" He asked chuckling.

The girl shook her head, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"No."

"Were you bored?"

He smiled at her, feeling a little guilty for leaving her there alone for over half an hour.

"No, I'm just tired, really." She told him, looking away from his face and staring at the cup of tea with particular interest.

Zuko arched an eyebrow, trying to catch a hint in Katara's gestures of what might be wrong. Finally, he gave up and sank down in the chair next to hers, resting his hands on the table and holding back the urge to reach out and take hers.

"Hey, did something happen?"

Katara shook her head again, still stubbornly not looking at his face.

Zuko wasn't good at this; he never had been. Or, perhaps, he just wasn't used to it.

When he had been in similar situations with Mai in the past, his attempts to comfort and understand her had always come up against an impenetrable wall, firing back and sending them both to pieces in the end. Over time, Zuko had simply convinced himself that he wasn't capable of it, that understanding others wasn't a talent that belonged to him. But Katara wasn't Mai, and something in the way she kept her gaze fixed on her hands and the stiffness of her shoulders told him it was worth a try.

Anything in Katara kept screaming at him to go for it and leave his fears behind. He felt in his gut that with her it would be worth it. It would be worth falling and breaking all his bones and hurting himself awfully. It had been so long since every fiber in his body had trembled with the desire to risk and gamble everything in a desperate attempt to be happy.

Zuko sighed and tentatively placed a hand on her arm, as if he was trying to get into her little bubble of loneliness and melancholy, with the veiled fear of bursting it. Katara didn't retreat, and that gave him enough courage to keep going.

"Katara?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you look at me, please?"

A few seconds passed before Katara looked up at him, with her incredibly blue and deep and sad eyes that he would have gladly drowned in without asking for help or even trying to get to safety.

"What's wrong?" He asked her with a lump in his throat, gently stroking her arm.

Katara took a deep breath, as if gathering the air that she needed to spit out whatever was troubling her soul.

"It's really stupid, Zuko." She finally told him, giving him a tiny smile.

This time Zuko couldn't stop his own hand, which moved guided by a will of its own. He picked up a lock of hair from her face between his fingers and brought it behind her ear. Katara's breathing stopped for a moment.

"Nothing's stupid if it's making you sad." He whispered to her.

Katara looked away again, this time resting her gaze on his firm hand on her forearm.

"It’s just … I don't want my words to influence any choice you want to make ..."

Zuko frowned, having absolutely no idea what Katara was talking about.

"What are you referring to?"

The girl looked into his eyes, clearly nervous.

"Over the past few weeks, we've talked a lot about the future ..." She began to tell him in a strained voice. "And I started to think ... I started to think that maybe you want to go back to the Fire Nation." She paused briefly, as if the words were causing her a deep trouble. "And the idea that you might leave makes me sad." She finally added in a hushed voice.

“What?” He blurted out.

His features softened under the weight of her gaze. He slid his hand along hers and intertwined their fingers.

"Katara ... What makes you think I want to leave?" He asked more gently.

Katara swallowed, starting absentmindedly to trace invisible paths on the back of his hand with her fingers. A shiver ran down his spine, but Zuko tried to ignore it and concentrate on the girl's words.

"You told me you wanted to go back to college ... And I thought … Well, I thought that there's your whole old life in the Fire Nation. Your old friends ... Your old girlfriend ..."

Zuko was stunned by these words. How could she think that -?

"Katara ..." He began to say, brushing his fingers across her face.

"I know, it's stupid and most of all I feel hypocritical and selfish." She interrupted him, a strange resolve in her words. "That's why you don't have to be swayed by my words and you have to do whatever you want, whatever makes you happy. Because I want you to be happy."

_It's you, you're the one who makes me happy_ , he wanted to tell her, but the words died in his throat at the idea of appearing ridiculous and melodious.

"On the phone, the other day ..." Katara continued, perhaps thinking that his silence meant that he had no idea what to say or that she was right. "You told me that now you could finally take back everything that was ripped away from you, everything you always wanted ... All the things you had to let go because of _circumstances_."

Zuko sighed, trying to put his thoughts in order, mentally going over what they had said on the phone a few nights before. He remembered telling her that he was thinking of contacting his old University and inquiring about further studies, that he had seen some interesting majors that had caught his attention. In recent years he had put aside his interest in his studies to the point of forgetting about it, becoming completely absorbed in the new life he had created for himself in a mad attempt to leave behind the past that haunted him.

He had long since chained his own desires, eaten alive by the fear of returning to that dark place, that path of despair, anger and pain, which had led him back to Ba Sing Se, two years before. He had trapped his old dreams there where they could not reach him, where they could no longer hurt him. Now he found himself thinking about what he really wanted out of life.

He was sure he wanted _more_ , as he had told her not too long ago, but he was no longer sure that going back to the things he left behind was the answer.

He had thought so for years, during those years when anger and resentment had been his immovable engines, and the idea of regaining what was his due his sole purpose. His home, his old life, the job in his father's business ... They seemed like such distant things now, as if they were someone else's dreams.

Someone who wasn't him, couldn't be. Maybe he never had been.

Looking at the girl in front of him, that girl who had made him feel accepted and important, for the first time in his life Zuko was certain that he didn't want to go back, that everything he had thought he wanted had dissolved like smoke that he had no intention of chasing and trying to catch. For the first time in years, he could finally see clearly in front of him, unravel that tangled skein of desires and be able to chase that thread with his eyes, all the way to the end. And she was at the other end of that thread.  
Zuko thought he had never trusted anyone as he trusted Katara, trusting her enough to open to her, to give her a part of himself, the part he kept locked away the most and that he was afraid the world would see.

Zuko stood up suddenly, jolting the girl next to him.

"Come with me." He said, extending a hand to her. "I want to show you something."

Katara looked at him confused but grabbed the hand he was offering her anyway and followed him across the room.

Zuko stopped in front of the instruments at the back of the room, his heart in his throat. He had no idea what he was doing and for a moment he felt panic take control of his thoughts; his throat became dry and his free hand began to tremble.

It had been so long since he had played in front of anyone, probably since he was a little boy ... Since after his mother died, he had only played in the silence of his own room, hidden from his father's gaze, far from Azula's laughter. But the warmth of Katara's hand in his gave him the encouragement he needed.

Zuko turned to look at her before sitting down in front of the piano. She still had a confused expression in her eyes.

"Zuko?" She asked uncertainly.

Zuko swallowed, this time unable to stop the shaking in his hands.

"I want you to listen to something."

There was a moment of silence, filled only by the beating of his own heart. Zuko wondered if Katara could hear it.

"Okay."

Katara stood next to the piano, one hand resting on its surface, and Zuko suddenly felt the weight of her gaze, as if she could pierce right through his skin and reach his soul.

He quickly searched for the sheet music on his cell phone, balanced it on the music stand and placed his fingers on the keys, hitting the first one tentatively. That first trembling note dissipated into the air, before Zuko finally found the courage to slide his fingers on the keyboard he knew like the back of his hand.

The melody began to fill the room, and out of the corner of his eye, as he glanced at the sheet music, he caught a glimpse of Katara relaxing and imperceptibly getting closer to the piano, closer to him.

Zuko tried to free his mind from his thoughts and to relax in turn. He tried not to think about the little mistakes he was making due to lack of practice and to focus solely on what he was playing and, above all, on what he wanted to express by choosing that very song and hoping that Katara would understand as well.

That she could understand that everything she had thought he wanted ... Everything he had thought he wanted was nothing, _nothing_ , compared to what he wanted now.

That after spending his life feeling invisible, screaming with all the breath he had in his lungs and until his throat bled to be seen and accepted by those who should have loved him, now he had someone in front of him who understood even his silences and who had never asked him anything in return, nor had she ever expected anything from him.

With her he felt safe, like nothing could touch him anymore. And even though he knew he still had a long way to go to learn to accept all his demons, he wasn't so afraid to do so now.

His vision fogged up slightly on the last notes of the song and he didn't even notice that Katara had sat down next to him, until she grabbed his hand still steady on the piano and the weight produced a small discordant note in that deafening and comfortable silence in which they were immersed.

"It was beautiful, Zuko ..." She murmured after a few moments, with her voice reduced to a trembling whisper.

Zuko turned to look at her, his heart pounding in his chest, an absurd contrast to the quiet of the room.

He looked into her eyes, and for the first time he couldn't decipher her gaze, but he felt himself burn by its intensity.

He cleared his throat and desperately searched for something to say to her.

"I just wanted you to understand that -"

But Zuko couldn't finish his sentence, because Katara put a finger on his lips and leaned towards him slowly, her eyelids half-closed. He felt his pulse quicken. 

When she put her lips on his, everything became very still.

His heart seemed to stop. Time itself and the entire Universe seemed to stand still for a few moments, until Zuko recovered from his instant of shock and parted his lips to kiss her back.

And then it was all tremendously easy, as if his whole being had come to that moment just to kiss her. The Universe resumed its motion and time began to flow again, maybe too fast, or maybe too slow, it didn't matter.

Katara put one hand on his cheek and clung to his shirt with the other, trying to get as close to him as possible, as if she wanted to melt into his body. Her trembling lips were soft and her mouth was warm and she smelled so good. 

Zuko put an arm around her waist and sank a hand into her soft hair - Spirits, her hair was so soft, he wanted to spend his life caressing it.

When they parted, they were still so close that Zuko could feel Katara's breath on his own face. The corners of her mouth arched into a small smile.

"You have no idea ..." He began to tell her, trying to fish out the voice that seemed to have gotten lost somewhere inside of him. "I've wanted to do this for so long ..."

"Me too." She replied, and Zuko captured her mouth again, this time less shy, as if his lips had already learned what to do and no longer required guidance from his brain, which, by then, had completely stopped working. And Katara's lips seemed to think so too, because they were so perfect on his, pursuing him as if they knew or could predict his every move, as if they were created with the memory of his kisses.

Katara sighed into his mouth and the hand that was caressing his cheek ended up in his hair - Zuko had never been happier to have let his hair grow out.

"I have no intention of letting you go.” He told her, stepping back far enough to be able to look into her eyes and immediately feeling the lack of her warmth. “I promise. I couldn’t ever let you go.”

"I don't want you to give up something you've always wanted for ..."

_For me,_ he could still hear, even if she didn’t pronounce the words.

"I'm not giving up anything." Zuko's voice was barely a whisper, hoarse and full of a gentleness he didn't think he had. "I've never been so sure to be in the right place as I am now."

Katara threw her arms around his neck and took refuge in the crook of his neck. Zuko held her tightly and stroked her hair, breathing in the scent of her shampoo, and placed a kiss on her head. Katara hugged him a little tighter.

"I don't want to let you leave either." She told him in a trembling voice and left a small kiss on his shoulder.

"I know."

In the soft light and still silence of the room, interrupted only by Katara's breaths, Zuko thought he had never been happier.

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaaaand ... it happened.  
> Wow, I can't believe it really happened. I feel like this slow burn burned me too - and still, there's a part of me that keeps thinking that this was rushed!  
> I've spent the last month analysing dozens and dozens of different scenarios for the kiss scene - just know that my initial idea was a festival in Ba Sing Se, so I honestly have no idea how it ended up with this one!  
> I'm super, super, super nervous about this, because I really cared about this moment and I'm not sure I did it justice. But thank you to everyone that is following this story. You have no idea how much seeing your notifications, comments and reblogs makes my days better in these strange times. Thank you, thank you very much. 
> 
> (The story is not finished yet, but I wanted to express my gratitude anyway. I've been writing fanfiction since I was twelve and I've never received so much love). 
> 
> Let me know what you think!


End file.
